10Eighty’s Liz Sebag Montefiore was pleased to be quoted in an article by Abi Jackson of PA. Full article below.
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Considering how much time we spend at work, it’s inevitable our workplace relationships will impact on wellbeing, satisfaction, and ultimately productivity and retention, too.
“Fostering good relationships at work is essential for creating a productive and harmonious workplace,” says Liz Sebag-Montefiore, director and co-founder of executive coaching and leadership development firm, 10Eighty.
“Experts like Adam Grant, organisational psychologist and professor at Wharton School, emphasise the importance of showing genuine interest in colleagues’ lives and promoting a culture of gratitude. Similarly, Brené Brown, research professor at the University of Houston, advocates for vulnerability and authenticity in professional interactions, suggesting these qualities build trust and strong connections.”
Coach, trainer and founder of D&A Trainingen, Antonie Knoppers notes how interpersonal skills are a vital part of workplace success: “Work is all about influencing. Most of us don’t work in a bubble. We work with others, and often need others’ help to get things done. That means you need to have some amount of influence.
“Unless we are told to do so by our manager (and even then it’s not a guarantee), we tend to do things for others because we like them. Not always of course, but usually that way works better than being distant, aloof or even unkind.”
So, how can we foster positive relationships with colleagues?
Be open and vulnerable
“Vulnerability and authenticity are cornerstones of building trust and strong connections. When individuals are willing to be open and honest about their thoughts, feelings and challenges, it creates a more inclusive and supportive environment. It fosters trust, as colleagues are more likely to feel understood and valued,” says Sebag-Montefiore.
Examples include sharing “personal anecdotes or challenges” you’ve faced. “This doesn’t mean oversharing but providing enough insight to show you are human and relatable. Also, acknowledging mistakes and discussing what was learned from them can humanise individuals and foster a culture of continuous improvement. Thirdly, actively seeking feedback and showing willingness to grow and adapt demonstrates humility and a genuine interest in personal and team development.”
Make gratitude a habit
“Make it a habit to regularly acknowledge and thank colleagues for their contributions, both publicly and privately,” Sebag-Montefiore continues. “Be specific about what you’re grateful for; instead of a general ‘that was a good job’, mention the particular action or effort that was appreciated.
“Gratitude promotes positive workplace culture by recognising and appreciating the efforts and contributions of others. This can boost morale, enhance job satisfaction, and motivate employees to continue performing at their best.”
Connection and compassion
Lu McKay, director of consultancy at employee engagement consultants scarlettabbott, highlights how a shared sense of purpose can go hand-in-hand with a compassion-led approach.
“Good relationships are fostered when a colleague feels part of something; they have a team around them that cares about the same things they do, they have a role to play and they’re working together to achieve the same goals – they have a shared sense of purpose,” says McKay. “When this is true, compassion is strong. Colleagues realise that, if a co-worker is struggling, it is their role to recognise that and provide support, as both successes and challenges are shared and celebrated.
“In terms of striving for compassion, this is about paying attention to those around you. It’s about being present and showing a sense of comradery, contracting up front on how you’ll work together, how you’ll ask for help, and how you’ll support each other.”
Don’t avoid conflict (but approach it with empathy)
Gemma Bullivant, HR coach, consultant and host of The Strategic Leader podcast, says: “Conflict avoidance is a natural instinct for most of us – we instinctively want to maintain harmony and protect the feelings of others. From a psychology point of view, as recipients, we see feedback as a threat, which triggers our fight/flight stress response. But avoiding conflict can ironically be far more damaging than we intend.
“We need to reframe our mindset from immediate protection of others or defence of our position, to longer-term growth and sustainable strength,” she adds. “The key is to ensure that when we deliver honest feedback, it is done with high empathy – a genuine intent to help the other person and protect the impact of our feedback without disguising the message, to maintain dignity and respect. This is described well by Kim Scott in her book Radical Candour.”
To take the heat off, try reminding yourself that having different opinions on things is not a threat. “It’s natural to have different perspectives – give yourself permission to disagree. Invite challenge; focus on listening and understanding the other person’s perspective, and aim for a third, better outcome, rather than ‘winning the argument’,” says Bullivant. “And as the recipient, focus on how you can calm the fight/flight response – in the workplace, attack is not always the best form of defence.”
Learn to listen
Speaking up might be the obvious way to build connections, but listening is just as vital. “Too often, we feel the urge to talk about ourselves. And we always remember those people in our lives that really listen to us – it’s rare,” says Knoppers. “The beauty about good listening is that it often invites the other to listen to you in return.”
Aim to really be present when communicating: “In our busy lives, we tend to be occupied with what is next. That next meeting, that next to-do, etc. When you are truly present with the other, it does wonders for the relationship.”
Also, shut off your autobiographical listening – which is when we listen “from our own frame of reference” and “tend to have a judgement or advice ready” – and replace it with active listening, where the goal is simply to hear and seek to understand what the other is saying, not to bulldoze them with ‘solutions’.
Be mindful of the urge to interrupt others too. In one-to-ones or team meetings, Knoppers suggests considering: “Is it helpful to pause before we respond? Does every conversation require an immediate response? Focus more on letting the other person finish their thoughts.”
